I Feel Like I’m Taking Crazy Pills

I often feel like the universe never cuts me a break. When I do get a break, everything bad tends to happen all at once; like the universe thought it gave me enough of a break and suddenly decides to unleash all its fury. Pretty much like a ticking time bomb, but I can’t hear the freaking ticking. No warning. No sympathy.

The events of last night (and into the ungodly early-morning hours):

  • Went out to the bar
  • Began driving back to the house
  • On the way home, tire pressure light came on (no biggie, right)?
  • Shortly after, car began vibrating, tire began deflating (fucking great)
  • Get home, tire almost fully flat
  • Call cops because no shops are open at 5 a.m. (embarrassing)
  • Towing company comes and changes tire for me ($55) fantastic
  • Go to Firestone and manage to get a hold of the cheapest tire they can find ($126)
  • Cyst on my tailbone comes back in full force… bigger and more painful
  • Can’t sit down without looking like a retard leaning to the left all the time
  • Got a whopping 4.5 hours of sleep and in super-duper pain
  • Headache/nausea/fatigue/everything that can be felt after a late night of drinking and traumatic events

Thankful that I have a Firestone credit card because I can’t pay for this shit up front. Granted, it’s just more monthly payments I have to make but right now, I don’t care. I also have super bad body odor at the moment… like really bad. So bad I can smell it myself when my arms are down and by my side. Lucky for everyone else, I am the only customer inside the shop so no one has to suffer my horrid stay-up-all-night stink.

I feel disgusting, my tailbone/lower back/ass area is in so much pain. I tried to use a warm cloth on it, but it cools down too fast, so I made it hotter, and almost scorched my ass. This is gross, but I might need to get it drained. It just keeps getting bigger every time it re-appears. Why me?

The universe plays some pretty cruel jokes and I figure that I am its favorite target. It would be nice to have a break from all the problems, but unfortunately a part of living in this world is being susceptible to all the bullshit. I often wonder if I dropped everything, sold all my shit, and moved to a desolate island somewhere if problems would still happen.

Then I think about the monkeys who live on those islands and the trials they encounter on a daily basis. Grooming their friends and finding out they have cancer, getting eaten by wildebeests, eating grass every day, getting hair stuck in their assholes after pooping, monkey AIDS… then I think maybe it wouldn’t be that great to live with the monkeys. Because the sad truth is, on this rock we call Earth, there are problems in the most densely populated cities and problems in the middle of nowhere.

Was I just talking about monkeys?

As you can see, I am not in the right state of mind to be writing a blog post… but I hope you can at least be entertained by my overtired and hung-over ramblings. It doesn’t help that I am super pissed and super bored sitting here waiting for my car to be fixed.

Speaking of cars, why the fuck have they not invented tires that can withstand puncture wounds and slashes? I mean, come on people, we have the best technology civilization has ever had right now, and you are telling me they can’t invent a tire out of tear resistant material? Yeah, right. They just don’t want to because then the tire business would take a massive financial hit.

Just like those fucking oil moguls. We have the technology to break our dependence on oil, but they won’t allow it because they like gouging the shit out of people and sitting on their ass in their big, pretty homes while everyone else pays out of their own asses just to get from point A to point B.

We live in a pretty fucked up place when you look at the big picture.

I am drinking coffee hoping it will give me enough stamina to at least make it back to the house while stopping to get a bite on the way back. Coffee is good, until it makes you have to shit like a racehorse. A cow? Yeah, a racehorse.

OMG my fucking tailbone!

Sorry… side effect of this unbelievable pain is random outbursts, vocally and textually. It is worse because if I make a wrong move in any direction or sit on the wrong place, it feels awful. I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like a fluid-filled bubble inside your skin on top of your spine and… yeah, I’ll stop. Gross. On top of everything else, I have a biology test on Monday that I need to study for, so better get to it.

Have a great rest of the weekend, people and try not to break your tire or tailbone. Don’t be like me.

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