My First {and Last} Experience with Absinthe

It all started smack dab in the middle of the city at a quaint little bar called Publik. I am the type of person who does not drink in excess. I usually have a few beers and then call it quits before my vision starts to get blurry and I pass out from low blood sugar. I pride myself on being able to hold my alcohol and sober up fairly quickly, but apparently I did not prepare enough in advance for this one.

This went on for about 5 hours until I realized that it was time to call it quits or else I would be out on the street acting like a fool, which wouldn’t be too horrible since at that hour, most people act a fool in the city streets. On the trek back to the car I began to get that “wobbly-not-so-good-off-balance” feeling and suddenly a surge of regret {and nausea} came over me as I turned my key in the ignition. Needless to say, I made it home in one piece, and me and my then boyfriend managed to stumble up the stairs and crash into the bed, but not before I released all the contents I ingested during those 5 hours into the toilet bowl. I’m pretty sure I saw an organ or two in the toilet bowl.

It wasn’t a pretty sight, and I am sure my symphony of gags and hacks sounded quite appetizing, but lucky for me, the others in the house were sleeping and couldn’t hear my involuntary release of substance. For a person who only indulges in the drink on occasion, this made me feel awful enough to make me not want to drink excessively ever again, which isn’t hard when the previous night you laid down and suddenly felt the “rocking-on-a-ship” sensation when you were perfectly stationary, later followed by self-induced vomiting… again. It wasn’t the beer, however, I find that this was the culprit:

Yes ladies and gents, ABSINTHE.

Apparently, the Green Fairy is related to the Tooth Fairy, per our conversation.

Sure, it LOOKS fun…

You glance around the bar and give the other patrons the judgmental “I’m-cooler-than-you” face because you are drinking the most bad-ass alcoholic drink at the bar and they aren’t. Your pride shoots through the roof, like, “Yeah, I paid $26 for my shot, and what?” And you feel sorry for these poor fools missing out on the drink straight out of the movies that only a true baller takes.

This notorious drink gets you so messed up you lose all sensory/motor functions and start to sing “The Hills are Alive…” out of tune and over and over again, not finishing the rest of the verse. I was all excited that I was going to be like the people in Moulin Rouge who drank Absinthe and danced all night; debauchery, yes! No. This was the demise of my sobriety… and only after one shot (I took the larger shot on the table, like-a-boss status, which wasn’t a good idea in hindsight). First and last time drinking that murderous green liquid. As they say, once you go green… you go G-R-E-E-N.

I NEVER get hangovers.

My friends hate me for it {totes jelly}

But not this time…


8 thoughts on “My First {and Last} Experience with Absinthe

  1. I always wanted to try Absinthe. My former colleagues used to say that when you drink Absinthe, you get “Absinthe-minded”. They laugh at anything, and with no reason. And they feel so light like they were floating. 🙂

    Thanks for adding me, by the way 🙂

    • DON’T DO IT!

      And you’re welcome 🙂

      Yeah, but seriously, I have an EXTREMELY high tolerance for alcohol, but this stuff is insane. DO NOT CONSUME. Should be a warning label on each bottle…

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