When a Bird is Your Best Friend

Not really, but on vacation, you feel yourself getting in touch with nature. So much so, that you sometimes want it to touch you back… not in that way you dirty birdies! Minds out of the gutter, please. Have you ever walked on the beach, looked down at the birds walking across the sand, and silently criticized each one? “Why are you walking away from me, bird? Don’t you love me? Okay then, fuck you too!” But sometimes, there is one bird that will walk by your side and not even care that you didn’t bring any provisions for him.

This is my pet... his name is Robert.

This is Robert. He doesn’t judge. The other bird clearly wants nothing to do with me.

Birds are awesome… until they get mad at you and poop on your head. Then I thought about trying to be friends with a stingray, because according to the signs on the beach today, there were plenty of them around so how hard could that be? But then, I thought about the implications of a friendship with a creature with a deadly barb on its back. If you ever get into an argument with one, they won’t just give you the silent treatment like a normal friend, they will pierce your fleshy little body with their barb of death and walk away like nothing happened. This is called the “hit-and-run” friendship.

If I have to shuffle my feet around a friend, then he's not much of a friend to begin with...

If I have to shuffle my feet around a friend, then he’s not much of a friend to begin with…

After considering the options, I have decided that my friend in Florida will be something that cannot hurt, maim, pierce, peck, yell, squawk, or kill me. You listen to him and he listens back… most of the time anyway. This friend is always a good time when on vacation and never judges you, probably because you end up judging other people after spending time with him.

My Florida friend. Good choice.

My Florida friend. Good choice.

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