New Year Neverlutions

No, I’m not completely cynical… just about 85 percent. When I was little, people always told me to make New Year Resolutions so I could have something to strive for in the coming year. But after all the broken promises and fake resolutions, my new tradition is to come up with what I call “Neverlutions.” This is a list of things I will never do, or at least HOPE to never do. That way, when people ask me have I kept any of my resolutions, I can give them an answer no one else can… “Yes, I have and that’s more than you can say, huh?” *chuckle chuckle*

Here is my list of my New Year Neverlutions, or things I will never do this year:

1. Drugs

When the temptation is zero, it’s not that hard to keep this one.

2. Run a mile on my own free will

idontrun

You will have to drag me kicking and screaming… or offer to pay off my student loans.

3. Pay my car bill on time

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Oh, I WILL pay it… just not on time.

4. Get married

Blatantly obvious as I am single as fuck.

5. Go to the dentist

Haven't been to one in the past ten years, why ruin a good thing?

Haven’t been to one in the past ten years, why ruin a good thing?

6. Support Obama

Never have, never will.

7. Take the cinnamon challenge

Do it for the Vine? I love cinnamon, but not enough to choke on it and die.

8. Eat healthy

Screw it, I'm not in denial like these other resolution makers. Have fun with that.

Screw it, I’m not in denial like these other resolution makers. Have fun with that.

9. Pay off my student loans

Unless I win the lottery. Yes, yes...

Unless I win the lottery. Yes, yes…

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7 thoughts on “New Year Neverlutions

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